My mother...
is a real piece of work.
Her and I have a very odd relationship. A lot of what I've learned from my mother is what NOT to do in your life. If I had to pick a theme song for my mother it would be either: Kanye West's ever popular song, or perhaps the one by good ole' Gunther.
My mother and I were supposed to meet for lunch on Friday, but she called and said she had, "other obligations, and can we please meet for drinks later that night instead." I didn't really want to, because I'm already exhausted and that meant staying up after I got done with work at 9pm, but I remembered that her birthday was the next day, so I begrudgingly agreed.
I ended up taking Wesley and Paris downtown to meet Eldon for lunch. That was fun, but sorta
silly. We looked like one of those really annoying (but sickeningly cute) couples who have matching things.. We were the couple who had matching dogs. :P
The dogs got thirsty on our walk, so they both jumped up and got some water! All we could do is laugh, as people walking by watched and did the same. Notice the little girl in the background?
After lunch, the dogs were wiped, Eldon went back to work, and I came home to do some homework before going in to work till 9. When I got off, I looked like the living dead after this week. I don't wear makeup to work (the dogs don't care what I look like) so the luggage under my eyes was in full force. I didn't even bother to change my pants, being that I was going to go see my mom. All I did was change my shirt so I wasn't advertising the company I will no longer be working for in about 3 weeks. Basically, I wanted to get this "drinks" over with as quickly as possible.
So I walk in, and my mom, (apparently already a couple drinks in,) by the excitement in her voice, bounces over to me, gives me a big hug and says, "Brandy, this is Tim." My response was, "Hi Tim. I'm going to go wash my hands before I shake yours... I work with dogs." So I left and did that. I got back to the table, and shook hands with "Tim", greeted my mother's husband who had also joined the group, and sat down while we ordered food and drinks.
A few minutes later, my mother whispers in my ear, "Isn't Tim cute?"
"Uhhh.. sure mom."
"He's single, you know."
"That's great. You're married."
"Not for me..... for YOU. He's a great catch. He's cute, he makes A LOT of money, and he's a REALLY nice guy."
"You do realize, I have a boyfriend... for nearly a year now, right?"
"Shhh... Yeah, I know.. but Eldon hasn't made any committments to you...You don't live together or anything."
At this point, my eyes widened and I looked at her, getting very annoyed.
She dropped it.... For about 10 minutes. Then it started again.
"He's interested in you... you should really consider him."
"Consider him for what? In case of emergency, break glass? I HAVE a boyfriend mother."
"I know, I know... but this guy would be great for you... He makes a lot of money (notice a pattern here?), he's a really nice guy, and well... think about it.. you're..." and she stopped herself.
"I'm what? Getting old?"
"Well, um, yeah."
"You're unbelievable mom!"
"It's just, you're exacttly his type. "
(I'm the preferred gender and have a pulse?) Even better, my mother actually said this:
"And he's really picky about the girls he dates, so you know he's clean..."
Are you fucking serious? All it takes to avoid communicable diseases is being picky? Why the hell do we go to the doctor again?
At this point, I really wanted to leave, but I wasn't finished with my food and I was starving. I sat through more of my mother telling me how interested he was in me, which I couldn't figure out how he could be interested in me when I had barely said word one to him with my mother buzzing in my ear the whole time in between bouts of making fun of the othe patrons doing karaoke, saying how much better she could do the song, because like everything else, "She can do it better.. she used to be a professional singer." While that's true, my mother does this thing where she claims she's better at EVERYTHING than anyone else... and by the way, everything I'm good at, I get from her. She broke off from telling me how much money Tim makes for the 10th time to get Tim's attention to say, "I used to be a professional singer, and Brandy can sing too... she gets it from me."
I had to stop myself from performing hari-kari at the table with my fork. I finished my food and announced that I had to leave immediately. (I used an excuse I knew they couldn't fault me for.) "I have an online class, and if I don't take my test by 11:55 tonight, I fail it.. so I gotta go. Nice meeting you Tim."
As my mother hugged me goodbye, she asked me not to tell Eldon that she did this. "He'll hate me." Not any more than I do right now.. I want to kill you.
So apparently, I not only don't have any time to myself lately, but I'm getting old, my relationship is irrelevant, and everything I'm good at I get from my mother. I'm going to crawl in a hole and die now. Bye folks.
Her and I have a very odd relationship. A lot of what I've learned from my mother is what NOT to do in your life. If I had to pick a theme song for my mother it would be either: Kanye West's ever popular song, or perhaps the one by good ole' Gunther.My mother and I were supposed to meet for lunch on Friday, but she called and said she had, "other obligations, and can we please meet for drinks later that night instead." I didn't really want to, because I'm already exhausted and that meant staying up after I got done with work at 9pm, but I remembered that her birthday was the next day, so I begrudgingly agreed.
I ended up taking Wesley and Paris downtown to meet Eldon for lunch. That was fun, but sorta
silly. We looked like one of those really annoying (but sickeningly cute) couples who have matching things.. We were the couple who had matching dogs. :P
The dogs got thirsty on our walk, so they both jumped up and got some water! All we could do is laugh, as people walking by watched and did the same. Notice the little girl in the background?After lunch, the dogs were wiped, Eldon went back to work, and I came home to do some homework before going in to work till 9. When I got off, I looked like the living dead after this week. I don't wear makeup to work (the dogs don't care what I look like) so the luggage under my eyes was in full force. I didn't even bother to change my pants, being that I was going to go see my mom. All I did was change my shirt so I wasn't advertising the company I will no longer be working for in about 3 weeks. Basically, I wanted to get this "drinks" over with as quickly as possible.
So I walk in, and my mom, (apparently already a couple drinks in,) by the excitement in her voice, bounces over to me, gives me a big hug and says, "Brandy, this is Tim." My response was, "Hi Tim. I'm going to go wash my hands before I shake yours... I work with dogs." So I left and did that. I got back to the table, and shook hands with "Tim", greeted my mother's husband who had also joined the group, and sat down while we ordered food and drinks.
A few minutes later, my mother whispers in my ear, "Isn't Tim cute?"
"Uhhh.. sure mom."
"He's single, you know."
"That's great. You're married."
"Not for me..... for YOU. He's a great catch. He's cute, he makes A LOT of money, and he's a REALLY nice guy."
"You do realize, I have a boyfriend... for nearly a year now, right?"
"Shhh... Yeah, I know.. but Eldon hasn't made any committments to you...You don't live together or anything."
At this point, my eyes widened and I looked at her, getting very annoyed.
She dropped it.... For about 10 minutes. Then it started again.
"He's interested in you... you should really consider him."
"Consider him for what? In case of emergency, break glass? I HAVE a boyfriend mother."
"I know, I know... but this guy would be great for you... He makes a lot of money (notice a pattern here?), he's a really nice guy, and well... think about it.. you're..." and she stopped herself.
"I'm what? Getting old?"
"Well, um, yeah."
"You're unbelievable mom!"
"It's just, you're exacttly his type. "
(I'm the preferred gender and have a pulse?) Even better, my mother actually said this:
"And he's really picky about the girls he dates, so you know he's clean..."
Are you fucking serious? All it takes to avoid communicable diseases is being picky? Why the hell do we go to the doctor again?
At this point, I really wanted to leave, but I wasn't finished with my food and I was starving. I sat through more of my mother telling me how interested he was in me, which I couldn't figure out how he could be interested in me when I had barely said word one to him with my mother buzzing in my ear the whole time in between bouts of making fun of the othe patrons doing karaoke, saying how much better she could do the song, because like everything else, "She can do it better.. she used to be a professional singer." While that's true, my mother does this thing where she claims she's better at EVERYTHING than anyone else... and by the way, everything I'm good at, I get from her. She broke off from telling me how much money Tim makes for the 10th time to get Tim's attention to say, "I used to be a professional singer, and Brandy can sing too... she gets it from me."
I had to stop myself from performing hari-kari at the table with my fork. I finished my food and announced that I had to leave immediately. (I used an excuse I knew they couldn't fault me for.) "I have an online class, and if I don't take my test by 11:55 tonight, I fail it.. so I gotta go. Nice meeting you Tim."
As my mother hugged me goodbye, she asked me not to tell Eldon that she did this. "He'll hate me." Not any more than I do right now.. I want to kill you.
So apparently, I not only don't have any time to myself lately, but I'm getting old, my relationship is irrelevant, and everything I'm good at I get from my mother. I'm going to crawl in a hole and die now. Bye folks.
posted by a_dog's_life at 7:12 AM
8 Comments:
Wow.
But why did you need an excuse to leave? Just tell them how pissed off you were. Maybe it would shame you mom into not doing it again.
Because my mother simply doesn't care, and she's incredibly good at sending me on guilt trips that I'll never hear the end of. I wanted to remind her that I would never take relationship advice from a woman who married a man who was cheating on his wife AND his secretary when he met her... but I'm too nice for that too.
I could swap mom stories with you all day.....like "yes mom, go ahead and sign the kids up for summer camp ANY week but Aug.19 cause Jason's bro is getting married and we'll be hours away." Get the call a few hours later saying they were signed up for Aug. 20-26 meaning we would have a 10 hour drive immediately after the wedding to make it. She does this crap all the time. I think she doesn't like the thought of her grandkids being with the "other" family. And don't even get me started on Jason's mom....
I'm thankful for the fact that I have a mother that's just pleased with the fact that I date at ALL!
Geoff dates his mother? Why am I not surprised? :)
Anyway, you should consider Tim. he sounds like a nice guy and he makes a lot of money. Plus, you're just his type!
>:D
This would be shocking and unbelievable if it had happened with anyone except your mother! Oh My God ! Wouldn't it be refreshing if she actually were concerned about YOUR happiness instead of always trying to run her own twisted agenda ACTING as if she knows what's good for you? As far as the guilt trips are concerned, don't get on board. Your travel agent was busy that day! It's good that you are already "considering the source". I'll bet you're ready for the opposite of a put down! So here you are: You are a wonderful, intelligent, talented, caring, funny, artistic, hard-working, young lady who has a lot to offer this world. There are lots of people in your life that think very highly of you. Right now you probably don't have time with school and three jobs, but since you are already a good writer, (your blog is engaging, funny, interesting with "chapters"); In the future perhaps you should consider writing... A column? A children's book about dogs? A comical book about dogs featuring your photos? Now crawl out of that hole! And Like the song by Duran Duran says:
Reach up for the sunrise
Put your hands into the big sky
You can touch the sunrise
Feel the new day enter your life
Signed, an old friend who has known you for a very long time.
Thanks old friend.. that was very sweet... now um.. lets see if I can figure out who you are! :P
Had enough suspense wondering who your "old friend" is? Here's a huge hint: I made sure that I came by and visited with you for about an hour the last time you were at your Dad's house. I didn't want to miss you while you were in town. So you see, we go WAY BACK! It was great fun to see you. (I'll bet you know who I am now, don't you?)I read your blog occasionally. And your Dad (who talks about you all the time) keeps me updated about how you are doing. The advice that I can offer is to hang in there! Life is like a roller coaster ride; sometimes you're up and other times you're down. Always remember: just like a roller coaster - you won't stay down forever. Things WILL look up for you in the future because you are a good person and you deserve it!
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