I'm stronger than I thought I was....
All day long, the various cliche's I've heard over the years played out in my head... ones like:"If you love something,
set it free,
if it comes back to you
it's yours,
if it doesn't it never was"
and
"I'd rather be alone for the right reasons,
than with someone for the wrong ones."
and of course, the ever popular
"that which doesn't kill you
makes you stronger."
In my last blog I wrote about giving up things that I love for the betterment of my future. Today I began the journey of removing things that hurt me. All my life I've let other people hurt me, because I'd rather be hurt than hurt someone else... However, I've come to realize that I deserve better than that. I AM good enough for someone to appreciate for who I am and what I am. I do deserve to be happy, and I refuse to sacrifice the happiness I deserve, just to make someone ELSE feel better. I'm a good person damnit, and I deserve better than the cards I've been dealt at the moment, and I know now that I'm the only one who can move to get a better hand. So, today I gave up the hardest of them all... because keeping it was tearing me apart. Perhaps someday it will return to me with the painful pieces removed... unfortunately only time will tell.
I never thought I was strong enough to do what I did today. Emotionally, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and my body is a complete wreck because of it. I even tossed my cookies at work between classes! (I'm sure you all needed to know that little tidbit.) I know I made the right decision, even though it was hard. I AM stronger than I thought I was. I stood up to something that was hurting me and said, I can't do it anymore... Hopefully it will invoke change, as it already has started to do in me. It took me having the guts to do this to realize how strong I am, and that I really can handle whatever life has to throw at me, even if I have to do it with only my big gray dog at my side.
A special thank you to Cameron, for inviting me over tonight and letting me talk her ear off. :) I especially liked having Wesley get to play with Noodle outside, and him pointing your bird! :)
posted by a_dog's_life at 12:37 AM
5 Comments:
Brava...as the say.
Knowing where your own happiness should lie is always tantamount above all else. You are a good person, and good things will come to you as a result. Remember that, and every hindrance is rendered null and void.
Brandy,
I don't know you very well yet but I wanted to send a word of encouragement.Since we met you have struck me as a person who is generous of spirit, passionate, kind and chock full of inner strength.People like you always succeed even when life just plain sucks (as it most certainly does on occasion).Not necessarily because you got the best job, or richest boyfriend or everything your way, but because you CHOOSE to continue to be content with yourself. Catalysts of change are almost always painful, but karma will remember you . That said, could you please go buy a powerball ticket for me? I think it would be a sure thing.... :)
I wish I could think of a dog example, but what comes to mind is a cat - and no matter where you drop her from, or how far she falls, she always lands on her feet.
Meow Brandy. Meow. ;)
Brandy, you're a fine girl.
I believe in you and what you're doing. All that you wrote makes sense, and what was done was done, and it is all perfect. Everything will turn out exactly how it is supposed to.
You always struck me as a strong person, Brandy, and for what it's worth I think you're making a good decision. I don't know what transpired, exactly, but if it has to do with exclusivity I have a feeling Mr. E will come around.
If not, well then, like you said in your post - you're better off.
Let's face it - life can be a giant crapstorm and those who curl up in the corner never get anywhere. You impress me as the type who can shrug their shoulders and look forward. It's a fine quality and you're a fine person. :)
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